Go Set A Watchman

Dear Readers,
My first book review in months maybe even a year. I don’t remember. Life is getting on so fast. One moment you can’t wait for the next year to start and the next it’s already around Autumn and you realise how fast it has gone by. Can you even catch up? Well you don’t have time to answer that question and next thing you know you’ll be waiting for 2 years to just go by so you’ll finally be in the real world. Today I’m going to tell you about a book which I’m not really sure about. This doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy every word of it. But let’s just say, sometimes change is a hard thing. You have to accept it. As everything in this world. So let’s just start over.

A 26-year-old Scout Finch returns to her hometown Maycomb county. She’s been away for years and at the first glance not much seems to have changed. But nothing’s ever as it seems. Things are different, Jem has already died and Atticus is getting old. But Henry is still there and she loves him, or at least she thinks she does. For a moment everything seems like before. And life seems to get on without any problems. But then she listens in on a meeting. Atticus and Henry both sit there with those people that want to push the segregation to another level. Calpurnias son Zeebo is in trouble and needs a good lawyer, back in the days Atticus would’ve helped without even hesitating for a moment. But now Jean-Louise is not so sure anymore. Childhood doesn’t tell you anything about the unfair and sad truth, full of lies you believe because you don’t even think about them not being true. She keeps having flashbacks from her childhood. Times when she believed that it didn’t make a difference wether you were black or white. Where you were worth equally. Things that her father told her. And she believed that it was his truth. Even Calpurnia sees her as the white person that betrayed her. And her Uncle isn’t helping. Scout feels like the world that she’s known her whole life is falling apart. The people she trusts and loves aren’t the same anymore. She doesn’t know if anything was ever real. But maybe that’s just another lesson life is trying to teach her. Maybe that’s why she went back to Maycomb county. To figure it out by herself. The title of the book isn’t
“Go Set A Watchman” out of coincidence. It’s a phrase out of the Bible where God sends a Watchman to earth to tell him whats going on down there. It says “Go, set a watchman, let him declare what he seeth” And maybe Scout is some sort if a Watchman to tell them that they’ve gotten out of control. Jean Louise might be the one to get them out of that mess.
We need more Jean Louises in this world. We need Atticus Finches to teach this to us in the first place. I really enjoyed this book. It took me quite some time though. The reason for that is, that it starts off right into the Story, they do mention what has happened in the meantime but you get overthrown by the amount of facts. It’s a book everyone should read because it’s, as is To Kill A Mockingbird, a story that imprisons you and forces you to think about society. It forces you to overthink certain views. It teaches you that life is never as it seems and that you have to live with changes and with the passing of time itself. It shows you that you should stand up for your ideas no matter what others say. It shows you a lot of thing about life. And I love how the book jumps between her past and her Now. It brings some dynamic into the story. I really loved this book because it gave me the chance to think again. Read this book and remember an extremely talented and wise woman who died in 2015 aged 89 years. Harper Lee.
Read, live, love, laugh and enjoy life for we’ve only got this one. So think about what you do or what you say, think about the consequences, think of the outcomes. But don’t let what-ifs stop you. They are just as useless as if-only-I-Had. You can’t change the past, and it’s not what all of this is about anyways. Neither can you see the future and control it. You have to live life. And accept the fact that things can change and that they’re not always as they seem at first sight. That’s life. And don’t you dare think you don’t deserve a happy life, because you do. You all do. If there are things that happen that make you think it’s too easy, try not to. I know it’s extremely hard for I can’t even do that one myself. But at least try. Because you deserve those things. Each and everyone of you. Love yourselves, you are wonderful, unique human beings. And please try. I’m begging you to try. Because you deserve the chance to live a fulfilled life. Have a nice evening, morning or night or whatever it is at yours.
Yours sincerely and truly
Gioia

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What’s the reason?

Why are we here?
Is there a purpose?
Is there a reason why?
Or are we just here because?

Questions all the time
No answers, no ideas
We’ll never be able to
Answer those Questions

Do we have to answer them?
Or maybe it’s just one of those
Things that just are
without a purpose.

We’ll never be able
to answer those questions.
And yet we ask them everyday
Because it’s just us.
It’s what we’re supposed to do.

We’ll never know why
We’ll never know who
We’ll never know what
We won’t even know when.

It scares us
We’re not in control
And no matter how hard we try
We’re running into a wall so thick
We can’t break it.

We’re just here
And some days it’s
clear like a blue sky
We’re just here to be here.

We’ll never know. But I believe whatever happens we’ll be okay. Because we’re alive and we’re now. So let’s try to live here. Not be sacred about the future and what might happen if, only scares the hell outta us. We should be here. Who knows what’s waiting for us tomorrow. It doesn’t matter. Because we can control today and tomorrow we’ve got another chance. Life is full of second chances. Maybe this is the purpose. For us to find out how to learn from our mistakes. How to live with them. How to live with our choices and with the consequences. To figure out how to live. Maybe, maybe not. We should just live and maybe we’ll find out by just living. Have a nice day.
Carpe Diem. Live! Bye 🙂

Love: Choice or Fate

I do not believe
Do you understand?
I do not believe
I never will

I do not want to
But I already did
I’ve fallen for you
I do not want to

Coincidental fate
I do believe
You’ll bring me there
Coincidental fate
I do believe

Don’t live for no one
Live for life itself
Don’t live for no one
For life will keep you save.

See the stars in the night sky
Infinite. Are they? Or is it just
Lies. Dead stars that we see
years after they’ve died. See them.

We aren’t infinite.
We’ll never be.
But we are more than that
We are alive. Every single moment.

There’s no point
But there doesn’t have to be
Because we are now
There’s no point

Hope you liked this. Yeah. It’s me. Hard to believe I’m still here. Live. And live now. Yesterday doesn’t matter, nor does tomorrow. Only thing that matters is today. So live now and enjoy it.
Yours truly 🙂

Day 9 of Blogmas

Dear Readers,
I know it started 9 days ago but of course I didn’t find out till yesterday. Typical. But it doesn’t matter. Not now anyways. I want this Christmas to be a time to love and a time to forgive. We should learn to forgive each other. But today I want to talk about Christmas. And I want to introduce you to two awesome blogs that are new totally new to the blogosphere. They are awesome and you should definitely follow them. The first one is Jashna. She’s a friend of mine.  And she just started her blog. She’s awesome. One of the kindest persons I’ve ever met. She deserves to be followed and her opinions deserve to be heard. As I told you before there’s a second blog. Her name is Jasmina. She’s a friend of mine as well. And a very good one I’d say. She’s great. And she deserves to be heard as well because she can be funny and wise at the same time. She just takes the people as they are. As well as Jashna does. Follow them. Please. Cause they deserve it. They were brave to take that step. They’re great. As you all are. I’m sorry for not being there the whole time. School’s crazy before Christmas. But I know this isn’t an excuse. So I just hope you don’t hate me now. Because I’m letting you down. As I let down others. But people tell me I’m not letting them down. It’s just these thoughts. Well. I love you all. Give your love to others and they’ll give you theirs. Always try to understand people. Try to be in their shoes. To see their point of view.  I know it’s hard, but it helps. Even though I haven’t accomplished it yet, I hope you will. You deserve to be happy. Always remember that. You deserve to be loved. Don’t hate yourself.  Please. Just know. One day everything will be okay. It’ll be as okay as it can be. And you’ll be happy. Always yours, Gioia.

 

When will I learn from it?

You used to be my everything,
You used to make me full,
You used to make me feel what now
Feels far away and there seems,
No end

I am thankful for what
You gave me.
I am thankful for our
Time.

I used to love you,
You knew I did,
I used to love you,
But that was my version of it
Not yours. Never was. Never will.

It’s been so much time,
And yet my heart didn’t stop,
I’m still alive
But am I really or am I not?

When will I finally see,
The past is gone,
The future is unknown,
And the now is now.

When will I accept,
We were never meant
To be together,
Never meant to love each other.

But deep inside
my heart will know,
It will finally heal,
One day hopefully.

2nd Chapter of a Story

Dear Readers,

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything of my story. I promised you that there would be more of it. If you haven’t read the first part of it click the Link. Now you know which one. I hope you’re all doing great. And that you are happy. Let’s start with it.

**2**
All I remembered was Jason being at my house and saying he was sorry for doing what he had done to black me out. Then there was nothing but unconsciousness. That nice feeling of sleeping. Without dreaming. I wanted to sit up but as I tried to, everything hurt. Where the hell was I? I was confused, angry and ,weirdly, kinda curious. I tried to sit up again. First I felt dizzy but I managed to do it though. Suddenly there was a noise coming from the door. A lock was turned around. The door opened. There was a women standing there, maybe in her late thirties, smiling at me in a sympathetic way. But something about her was strange. ” So, you finally woke up. That’s good. We already thought Jason had performed it too strong. ‘ she said. All I could do was nod.” How are you feeling?”, she asked. “My head hurts and I’m dizzy.” “It’ll pass, it’s all normal in the beginning” she replied. “Where am I?” I had to know it. Not that anyone cared but I had to be sure I could contol it. And that I was save. ” Oh don’t worry you’ll know that very soon. Now stand up and follow me.”, she said in a voice that told me if I didn’t do as she wanted I’d be in deep trouble. I didn’t stand up though. The expression on her face told me that she didn’t like that. Why should I trust her. I didn’t know her. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know anything at all.” Now listen to me carefully. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You choose. But I tell you now that if you choose the hard version of it you’ll regret it every day of your following life.”, she whispered. Oh no, I wasn’t giving up so easily. Not me. I’d rather kill myself than to do what she wanted me to. She couldn’t force me. No one could. But what I didn’t know that moment back then. They could. I remained calm on the bed.
” Now!” , she screamed at me.” You chose. But I promise you that you will regret that decision.” At first nothing happened. And I already thought she had just been talking. Next moment three men came and took me. I tried to get out of their grasps. But as hard as I tried I couldn’t free myself. Then I felt a stinging pain in my arm. Everything began to turn around and I felt myself being pulled back into that wonderful, black nothingness. As I woke up again the first thing I saw was a white ceiling. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. That was when I realized I was strapped to a table at my feet, my wrists and my neck.
Everything hurt. And it felt like there was a fire burning me. I scanned the room I was in. It looked like some labour or a doctors office. Everything was white and sterile. ” Good, you’re awake” a voice I could recognize from the bitch that had called these men. “You can cooperate with us or you can continue the program. I just tell you that the program will include much pain. More pain than your feelings now. If you do cooperate you’d make it much easier. For yourself and for us.” I didn’t know what to say. This sounded like my favourite books and movies together. With the exception that there was always a known ending. And now I didn’t know anything. I could be stubborn and keep doing what I wanted. Or I could give up and do what they told me. But I’d rather have killed myself than giving up. So I went for the first one. What I didn’t know back then, there were things far worse than death. I took a deep breath and said : ” I’d never cooperate with you. Rather would I die than to give up.” I had to admit that I was scared. Just a little bit. But I’d welcome my fate with a smile. That was better than a scared little girl. ” So you’ve made your choice. A rather stupid one if you’d ask me but you had the choice,” she turned away and said to someone else in the room,” contiInue the program.” I had thought I’d get away from that table. But how dumb could a stubborn 17 year-old be. Especially one that didn’t know them. It started with another injection. That wasn’t painful. But the aftermath of it was. It started that I couldn’t breathe. I was feeling my arms and legs go numb. The fire was there again. And it was worse than before. If that was even possible. Tears were streaming. Pain started to sink in. It was getting to the point where I was losing consciousness again. And for a few minutes I was stuck between unbearable pain and feeling nothing at all. Then was out cold. When I woke up again I was in my cell. I didn’t even dare to stand up. I heard the sound of a turning lock. A 100 percent aware that this could mean more pain. But I couldn’t fight them, that was what I knew. The door opened and the face I saw was nothing different than that beautiful smile of Jason. In a way his face was the only one I wanted to see. However he was the one who had brought me here in the first place. Wherever here was. ” Hey, I’ve got you something to eat. You need it. To get through the program.” He really dared to say that. ” Why would I trust you who got me in here? You could easily give me poison in that food and kill me.” You know that I wouldn’t do that Ashley and I am disappointed by you thinking these things.” Oh yeah. Why would I think such things of you. Lemme guess, maybe because you blacked me out, got me into that damn place and asked me why I was angry!” I was now shouting. As much as possible at least.” See, I didn’t want you to experience this. They left me no choice. I had to. But I tell you one thing. If you weren’t that stubborn it wouldn’t hurt that much. I know you don’t want give up and that’s strong. But this is going nowhere.”

So I hope you enjoyed that one. See you soon. Bye. Have a nice day, night or whatever.

Ps:  let me know in the comments if you want more.

She’s falling

Don’t you see

She’s falling

Don’t you hear her

She’s screaming

 

She’s falling

She’s trying to

Get a hold of

Something solid

 

But her hands

Can’t seem to reach

It, because there’s

Nothing left to hold

 

Her everything is

Gone forever, there’s

No turning back

Not now, not tomorrow

 

I want to keep

her from falling

But I can’t

I won’t stop her.

 

 

Obsessed

Obsessed we are
With every little thing
Obsessed we are
With the thought
Of a long life

Obsessed she is
With the thought
That he is hers
Obsessed she is
With him and his voice

Obsessed he is
With no one but himself
Obsessed he is
With his beauty
And his world

Obsessed I am
I cannot let him go
Obsessed I am
The problem is
I can’t go with the flow.

Obsessed they are
With silver and with gold
Obsessed they are
With glory and with might

Obsessed it was
With nothing but real love
Obsessed it was
With peace and inner beauty

Thanks for reading. I know I haven’t been writing lately, but I thought I might just do it now. The title of this poem is taken from the Daily Post one word prompt. I hope you like it. And I hope you are all alright. Bye and have a nice day, night or whatever.

The Problem with forever

Dear Readers,
It’s been about a month that I haven’t written on here. And I’m not gonna say I’m sorry. I’m not. I hope you’re all right. There are Stories that make us overthink our lives and what we have. By reading some stories, we can finally see what live really is about and how lucky we are. We often take loving and caring parents for granted. People that love us unconditionally because of who we are to them. But that book made me realize that it’s not granted. The Problem with forever is sensitizing a certain subject that is still very common, sadly, to many people in this world. And yet it’s often hidden. But away from these thoughts of my messed up little mind to the book that really made me reread the last words over and over again.

Mallory “Mouse” Dodge is 17 and after four years of being home-schooled she wants to do her last year of High School at Lands High in Baltimore. Mallory has had a terrible past as a foster kid in a house where she learned that not making a sound was the best way to survive. In that house where she spent a decade in, she’s had a friend called Rider Stark who’s protected her all that time and took in abuse for when she was in trouble. They were best friends, only them against the world. He promised back then to keep her save forever. She was luckily adopted by the Rivases her loving and caring foster parents. Now she thought all the time she’d never see Rider again after they were split up. But the first person that sits next to her in speech class is, guess who, Rider. Well not the Rider of when they were twelve, but a hot, handsome, protecting and sexy version of it. Mallory can’t believe it neither can he. Problem is: 18-year old Rider has a mean girlfriend. Rider has changed on the outside. But in some ways he’s still the same. As in protecting Mouse whenever he thinks it’s needed. But Mouse has changed too. She’s learned to speak up. Even though it’s hard, a few words are a success. She doesn’t want Rider to protect her anymore. But he still protects her and blames himself for what happened the night they were split up. Soon Mallory realizes that she doesn’t have ‘Just friends’ feelings for Rider but really loves him. Mouse has always been scared that the past won’t ever leave her. That she’ll always be that girl that can’t speak up and can’t be in noisy places. That she’ll be this way forever. But while she’s making progress Riders world starts to fall apart. Will she speak up to those she loves? Will she be the one that picks him up this time? Rider’s got a nice foster home too, but he’s not adopted and he doesn’t really feel home. One fateful night one of his brothers gets in trouble and Rider does what he did then he protects he protects his brother Jayden. Will he succeed saving Jayden?
That book has showed me that live can be taken away so fast and that we shouldn’t take everything for granted because it’s not. What made me think was the relation to The Velveteen Rabbit. You probably know the story if not there will be soon a post about it. It’s about a rabbit that wants to be real. Which means it wants to be loved and cared about. That’s it’s biggest wish. In the book The Problem with forever there’s a relation between the characters and said rabbit because all these years Rider and Mallory wanted to be loved by someone when they weren’t. The last sentence made me think. Here it comes. ” Forever was simply a promise of more. Forever was a work in progress. And I couldn’t wait forever.”
And When I read this I thought it’s so true. There’s also one thing I learned reading this book. It’s all about trying in live. It’s not about failing or succeeding. It’s about trying. Because it doesn’t matter if you fail. It just matters that you try. And what’s also something important to know in live is that you have a choice whether you believe in what people think or if you do your own thing. You don’t have to feel embarrassed, for example, when you give a presentation in speech class. It’s only embarrassing when you let it be embarrassing. Alright this was a long post for an awesome book. Just read it. You won’t regret it. Thank you for reading this. This book just made me realise how lucky I am. I hope you guys enjoyed this and it somehow brought the message in. Have a nice day or night or whatever.

Some kind of a poem

Dear Readers,
Here’s something I’ve been trying out lately. Well it was actually yesterday but I like the word lately. That’s why. So this something is some kind of a poem that isn’t a poem and that doesn’t have nothing such as structure. But there are things that return in it. And they are important. Well at least to me. Just that you know it’s neither me nor any person I know. If there are through any coincidences people that have some similarities it’s important to know that this is out of fantasy and that it may not turn out how it turns out for her in the end. So here we go with my not poem:
“Hey, she said many times. Hey she said and wanted it to be different.
Hey she said and tried to do things that could convince him. But then she realised it wasn’t what she should say. And she tried the thing she should’ve. She said it. She said Goodbye. Goodbye she said when things went south. Goodbye she said when she saw her life doing crazy things. Goodbye she said to him. Goodbye she said to the love she had for him. Goodbye she said. I’m dying she said when she felt the pain that was tearing her up from the inside. I’m dying she said when she came to the point where she knew that it would never be like it had been. I’m dying she said when she laid down on her bed at night and she was thinking about him. I’m dying she said when she felt the pain that still reminded her of the time she was happy. I’m dying she said when she laughed and laughed because her friends had told her a joke. I’m alive she said when she woke up and felt happy. I’m alive she said when she had moved on and had realised that some people just weren’t meant to be together. I’m alive she said and that was why she was happy. I’m alive she said when finally summer came and she was out with her friends. I’m alive she said when she listened to music that made her happy. I’m alive she said because she loved life and it knew. She smiled at the sun. She smiled at her mom. She smiled at her friends. She smiled at herself. And she was happy because she knew.”
That’s it. I hope you liked it. And I’d be honoured if you’d commented. You guys are just awesome. And if anyone has gone through a break up lately or going through it right now please know you are wonderful people. And you are worth it. It sure hurts as hell. And it takes time. Take that time. Only so you can heal fully. Suffer from the pain it brings to you. But don’t let it rip you apart. It really will hurt. And you will have days were you want to die. But remember always you’re worth it. You’re worth fighting for but that other person didn’t. So let that person go. It hurts like hell. And I myself haven’t gotten over it yet. There will be the person that will love you for you are and that person will love you with all their heart. That person won’t let you go and won’t stop fighting for you. That person will see your inner beauty. And that person will never take you for granted. Because no one should take you for granted. You’re not. And everyone that doesn’t see this isn’t worth it. I’m sorry for such a post. But I just needed to get it out. And crying is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s alright. But one day you’ll wake up and feel free and happy. You will be happy again.
Bye and have a nice day or night or whatever.