Day 9 of Blogmas

Dear Readers,
I know it started 9 days ago but of course I didn’t find out till yesterday. Typical. But it doesn’t matter. Not now anyways. I want this Christmas to be a time to love and a time to forgive. We should learn to forgive each other. But today I want to talk about Christmas. And I want to introduce you to two awesome blogs that are new totally new to the blogosphere. They are awesome and you should definitely follow them. The first one is Jashna. She’s a friend of mine.  And she just started her blog. She’s awesome. One of the kindest persons I’ve ever met. She deserves to be followed and her opinions deserve to be heard. As I told you before there’s a second blog. Her name is Jasmina. She’s a friend of mine as well. And a very good one I’d say. She’s great. And she deserves to be heard as well because she can be funny and wise at the same time. She just takes the people as they are. As well as Jashna does. Follow them. Please. Cause they deserve it. They were brave to take that step. They’re great. As you all are. I’m sorry for not being there the whole time. School’s crazy before Christmas. But I know this isn’t an excuse. So I just hope you don’t hate me now. Because I’m letting you down. As I let down others. But people tell me I’m not letting them down. It’s just these thoughts. Well. I love you all. Give your love to others and they’ll give you theirs. Always try to understand people. Try to be in their shoes. To see their point of view.  I know it’s hard, but it helps. Even though I haven’t accomplished it yet, I hope you will. You deserve to be happy. Always remember that. You deserve to be loved. Don’t hate yourself.  Please. Just know. One day everything will be okay. It’ll be as okay as it can be. And you’ll be happy. Always yours, Gioia.

 

When will I learn from it?

You used to be my everything,
You used to make me full,
You used to make me feel what now
Feels far away and there seems,
No end

I am thankful for what
You gave me.
I am thankful for our
Time.

I used to love you,
You knew I did,
I used to love you,
But that was my version of it
Not yours. Never was. Never will.

It’s been so much time,
And yet my heart didn’t stop,
I’m still alive
But am I really or am I not?

When will I finally see,
The past is gone,
The future is unknown,
And the now is now.

When will I accept,
We were never meant
To be together,
Never meant to love each other.

But deep inside
my heart will know,
It will finally heal,
One day hopefully.

2nd Chapter of a Story

Dear Readers,

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything of my story. I promised you that there would be more of it. If you haven’t read the first part of it click the Link. Now you know which one. I hope you’re all doing great. And that you are happy. Let’s start with it.

**2**
All I remembered was Jason being at my house and saying he was sorry for doing what he had done to black me out. Then there was nothing but unconsciousness. That nice feeling of sleeping. Without dreaming. I wanted to sit up but as I tried to, everything hurt. Where the hell was I? I was confused, angry and ,weirdly, kinda curious. I tried to sit up again. First I felt dizzy but I managed to do it though. Suddenly there was a noise coming from the door. A lock was turned around. The door opened. There was a women standing there, maybe in her late thirties, smiling at me in a sympathetic way. But something about her was strange. ” So, you finally woke up. That’s good. We already thought Jason had performed it too strong. ‘ she said. All I could do was nod.” How are you feeling?”, she asked. “My head hurts and I’m dizzy.” “It’ll pass, it’s all normal in the beginning” she replied. “Where am I?” I had to know it. Not that anyone cared but I had to be sure I could contol it. And that I was save. ” Oh don’t worry you’ll know that very soon. Now stand up and follow me.”, she said in a voice that told me if I didn’t do as she wanted I’d be in deep trouble. I didn’t stand up though. The expression on her face told me that she didn’t like that. Why should I trust her. I didn’t know her. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know anything at all.” Now listen to me carefully. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You choose. But I tell you now that if you choose the hard version of it you’ll regret it every day of your following life.”, she whispered. Oh no, I wasn’t giving up so easily. Not me. I’d rather kill myself than to do what she wanted me to. She couldn’t force me. No one could. But what I didn’t know that moment back then. They could. I remained calm on the bed.
” Now!” , she screamed at me.” You chose. But I promise you that you will regret that decision.” At first nothing happened. And I already thought she had just been talking. Next moment three men came and took me. I tried to get out of their grasps. But as hard as I tried I couldn’t free myself. Then I felt a stinging pain in my arm. Everything began to turn around and I felt myself being pulled back into that wonderful, black nothingness. As I woke up again the first thing I saw was a white ceiling. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. That was when I realized I was strapped to a table at my feet, my wrists and my neck.
Everything hurt. And it felt like there was a fire burning me. I scanned the room I was in. It looked like some labour or a doctors office. Everything was white and sterile. ” Good, you’re awake” a voice I could recognize from the bitch that had called these men. “You can cooperate with us or you can continue the program. I just tell you that the program will include much pain. More pain than your feelings now. If you do cooperate you’d make it much easier. For yourself and for us.” I didn’t know what to say. This sounded like my favourite books and movies together. With the exception that there was always a known ending. And now I didn’t know anything. I could be stubborn and keep doing what I wanted. Or I could give up and do what they told me. But I’d rather have killed myself than giving up. So I went for the first one. What I didn’t know back then, there were things far worse than death. I took a deep breath and said : ” I’d never cooperate with you. Rather would I die than to give up.” I had to admit that I was scared. Just a little bit. But I’d welcome my fate with a smile. That was better than a scared little girl. ” So you’ve made your choice. A rather stupid one if you’d ask me but you had the choice,” she turned away and said to someone else in the room,” contiInue the program.” I had thought I’d get away from that table. But how dumb could a stubborn 17 year-old be. Especially one that didn’t know them. It started with another injection. That wasn’t painful. But the aftermath of it was. It started that I couldn’t breathe. I was feeling my arms and legs go numb. The fire was there again. And it was worse than before. If that was even possible. Tears were streaming. Pain started to sink in. It was getting to the point where I was losing consciousness again. And for a few minutes I was stuck between unbearable pain and feeling nothing at all. Then was out cold. When I woke up again I was in my cell. I didn’t even dare to stand up. I heard the sound of a turning lock. A 100 percent aware that this could mean more pain. But I couldn’t fight them, that was what I knew. The door opened and the face I saw was nothing different than that beautiful smile of Jason. In a way his face was the only one I wanted to see. However he was the one who had brought me here in the first place. Wherever here was. ” Hey, I’ve got you something to eat. You need it. To get through the program.” He really dared to say that. ” Why would I trust you who got me in here? You could easily give me poison in that food and kill me.” You know that I wouldn’t do that Ashley and I am disappointed by you thinking these things.” Oh yeah. Why would I think such things of you. Lemme guess, maybe because you blacked me out, got me into that damn place and asked me why I was angry!” I was now shouting. As much as possible at least.” See, I didn’t want you to experience this. They left me no choice. I had to. But I tell you one thing. If you weren’t that stubborn it wouldn’t hurt that much. I know you don’t want give up and that’s strong. But this is going nowhere.”

So I hope you enjoyed that one. See you soon. Bye. Have a nice day, night or whatever.

Ps:  let me know in the comments if you want more.

She’s falling

Don’t you see

She’s falling

Don’t you hear her

She’s screaming

 

She’s falling

She’s trying to

Get a hold of

Something solid

 

But her hands

Can’t seem to reach

It, because there’s

Nothing left to hold

 

Her everything is

Gone forever, there’s

No turning back

Not now, not tomorrow

 

I want to keep

her from falling

But I can’t

I won’t stop her.

 

 

Obsessed

Obsessed we are
With every little thing
Obsessed we are
With the thought
Of a long life

Obsessed she is
With the thought
That he is hers
Obsessed she is
With him and his voice

Obsessed he is
With no one but himself
Obsessed he is
With his beauty
And his world

Obsessed I am
I cannot let him go
Obsessed I am
The problem is
I can’t go with the flow.

Obsessed they are
With silver and with gold
Obsessed they are
With glory and with might

Obsessed it was
With nothing but real love
Obsessed it was
With peace and inner beauty

Thanks for reading. I know I haven’t been writing lately, but I thought I might just do it now. The title of this poem is taken from the Daily Post one word prompt. I hope you like it. And I hope you are all alright. Bye and have a nice day, night or whatever.

The Problem with forever

Dear Readers,
It’s been about a month that I haven’t written on here. And I’m not gonna say I’m sorry. I’m not. I hope you’re all right. There are Stories that make us overthink our lives and what we have. By reading some stories, we can finally see what live really is about and how lucky we are. We often take loving and caring parents for granted. People that love us unconditionally because of who we are to them. But that book made me realize that it’s not granted. The Problem with forever is sensitizing a certain subject that is still very common, sadly, to many people in this world. And yet it’s often hidden. But away from these thoughts of my messed up little mind to the book that really made me reread the last words over and over again.

Mallory “Mouse” Dodge is 17 and after four years of being home-schooled she wants to do her last year of High School at Lands High in Baltimore. Mallory has had a terrible past as a foster kid in a house where she learned that not making a sound was the best way to survive. In that house where she spent a decade in, she’s had a friend called Rider Stark who’s protected her all that time and took in abuse for when she was in trouble. They were best friends, only them against the world. He promised back then to keep her save forever. She was luckily adopted by the Rivases her loving and caring foster parents. Now she thought all the time she’d never see Rider again after they were split up. But the first person that sits next to her in speech class is, guess who, Rider. Well not the Rider of when they were twelve, but a hot, handsome, protecting and sexy version of it. Mallory can’t believe it neither can he. Problem is: 18-year old Rider has a mean girlfriend. Rider has changed on the outside. But in some ways he’s still the same. As in protecting Mouse whenever he thinks it’s needed. But Mouse has changed too. She’s learned to speak up. Even though it’s hard, a few words are a success. She doesn’t want Rider to protect her anymore. But he still protects her and blames himself for what happened the night they were split up. Soon Mallory realizes that she doesn’t have ‘Just friends’ feelings for Rider but really loves him. Mouse has always been scared that the past won’t ever leave her. That she’ll always be that girl that can’t speak up and can’t be in noisy places. That she’ll be this way forever. But while she’s making progress Riders world starts to fall apart. Will she speak up to those she loves? Will she be the one that picks him up this time? Rider’s got a nice foster home too, but he’s not adopted and he doesn’t really feel home. One fateful night one of his brothers gets in trouble and Rider does what he did then he protects he protects his brother Jayden. Will he succeed saving Jayden?
That book has showed me that live can be taken away so fast and that we shouldn’t take everything for granted because it’s not. What made me think was the relation to The Velveteen Rabbit. You probably know the story if not there will be soon a post about it. It’s about a rabbit that wants to be real. Which means it wants to be loved and cared about. That’s it’s biggest wish. In the book The Problem with forever there’s a relation between the characters and said rabbit because all these years Rider and Mallory wanted to be loved by someone when they weren’t. The last sentence made me think. Here it comes. ” Forever was simply a promise of more. Forever was a work in progress. And I couldn’t wait forever.”
And When I read this I thought it’s so true. There’s also one thing I learned reading this book. It’s all about trying in live. It’s not about failing or succeeding. It’s about trying. Because it doesn’t matter if you fail. It just matters that you try. And what’s also something important to know in live is that you have a choice whether you believe in what people think or if you do your own thing. You don’t have to feel embarrassed, for example, when you give a presentation in speech class. It’s only embarrassing when you let it be embarrassing. Alright this was a long post for an awesome book. Just read it. You won’t regret it. Thank you for reading this. This book just made me realise how lucky I am. I hope you guys enjoyed this and it somehow brought the message in. Have a nice day or night or whatever.

Some kind of a poem

Dear Readers,
Here’s something I’ve been trying out lately. Well it was actually yesterday but I like the word lately. That’s why. So this something is some kind of a poem that isn’t a poem and that doesn’t have nothing such as structure. But there are things that return in it. And they are important. Well at least to me. Just that you know it’s neither me nor any person I know. If there are through any coincidences people that have some similarities it’s important to know that this is out of fantasy and that it may not turn out how it turns out for her in the end. So here we go with my not poem:
“Hey, she said many times. Hey she said and wanted it to be different.
Hey she said and tried to do things that could convince him. But then she realised it wasn’t what she should say. And she tried the thing she should’ve. She said it. She said Goodbye. Goodbye she said when things went south. Goodbye she said when she saw her life doing crazy things. Goodbye she said to him. Goodbye she said to the love she had for him. Goodbye she said. I’m dying she said when she felt the pain that was tearing her up from the inside. I’m dying she said when she came to the point where she knew that it would never be like it had been. I’m dying she said when she laid down on her bed at night and she was thinking about him. I’m dying she said when she felt the pain that still reminded her of the time she was happy. I’m dying she said when she laughed and laughed because her friends had told her a joke. I’m alive she said when she woke up and felt happy. I’m alive she said when she had moved on and had realised that some people just weren’t meant to be together. I’m alive she said and that was why she was happy. I’m alive she said when finally summer came and she was out with her friends. I’m alive she said when she listened to music that made her happy. I’m alive she said because she loved life and it knew. She smiled at the sun. She smiled at her mom. She smiled at her friends. She smiled at herself. And she was happy because she knew.”
That’s it. I hope you liked it. And I’d be honoured if you’d commented. You guys are just awesome. And if anyone has gone through a break up lately or going through it right now please know you are wonderful people. And you are worth it. It sure hurts as hell. And it takes time. Take that time. Only so you can heal fully. Suffer from the pain it brings to you. But don’t let it rip you apart. It really will hurt. And you will have days were you want to die. But remember always you’re worth it. You’re worth fighting for but that other person didn’t. So let that person go. It hurts like hell. And I myself haven’t gotten over it yet. There will be the person that will love you for you are and that person will love you with all their heart. That person won’t let you go and won’t stop fighting for you. That person will see your inner beauty. And that person will never take you for granted. Because no one should take you for granted. You’re not. And everyone that doesn’t see this isn’t worth it. I’m sorry for such a post. But I just needed to get it out. And crying is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s alright. But one day you’ll wake up and feel free and happy. You will be happy again.
Bye and have a nice day or night or whatever.

Dear Readers,
Yay I have holidays. I have been longing to write that post. I just didn’t get on it. So the first post I’ll do these holidays will be about, guess what. If you don’t mind I tell you now. About books. Yes that was a very difficult question I know. But you’ll get rewarded. With a review about the 4th book of the Luxen Series. And by the time I guess you know that Daemon is awesome. But this book isn’t about that.

I was so thrilled by the end of the third book and I was like. Help me I’m gonna die. So I was very excited about that book. And you don’t know me when I’m very excited. I read it in a bunch of days and almost couldn’t let it down. I actually read it at school in lunch breaks. Katy has been taken away from Daedalus. When she wakes up, everything is burning. Her whole body is drenched in pain. Katy can’t believe what happened. But at least Daemon hasn’t get caught. She doesn’t even know where she is. And the freaking part is that she is in Area 51. They tell her things that she can’t know if they are true or if they are just lies to keep her quiet. Even though there is a guy called Archer that seems to really get how she is feeling he doesn’t show if he can be trusted. And if that wouldn’t be enough there is always something worse. The first one she sees when she wakes up in her cell is Blake. She’s almost freaking out. But who wouldn’t. There is something different. Daemon tells what he’s feeling because they’re away from each other. It’s the worst time for Daemon. Kat has been caught. And that wasn’t the plan. He even blows up a whole room filled with onyx in the community and stands up against his own kind. He will burn the world down to save her. He’ll do whatever has to be done to free her. And that even means leaving his family behind for a non-given time being. Now he understands Dawson. He feels exactly the same thing that Dawson has felt. It’s eating him away. While Daemon is doing whatever he can do, Kat is being forced to fight against hybrids that Daedalus knows what she is capable of. She doesn’t really do it, until they bring Blake in. Daemon doesn’t know any of this. He gets himself caught on purpose and get’s pissed off with onyx everyday from now on. Will he get to see Katy? Nancy Husher at promised. But was there a time where she could be trusted? Very unlikely. Would he make her keep it? Hell yeah. Katy gets injured all the time. She misses Daemon. Every day Daedalus shows her new things of truth. Then Daemon is brought in. Although she is concerned why he’s there she needed him. What no one of, both Katy and Daemon, knows is the fact that there is another species created by Luxen and hybrids. Will they destroy the world? Is Daedalus not the bad guys? Who can be trusted? And who is Archer, the special guy? So many Questions that will be answered if you read the book.
I really found the feelings and thoughts of Daemon very interesting. It was a change, but a good one. You can see how strong his feelings are.
Please read that book. It is really worth it. I almost didn’t get that post done because I couldn’t find the right words.It’s just so good. Drop all the work you had to get done and read that book. I hope you are all good. Please Enjoy that book. It’s worth being read and being honored. I guess. Bye and have a nice day evening or whatever time it is where you live right now.

Opal

Dear Readers,
I know I haven’t written much lately but I had much school stuff going on. I wish I could write more but at the moment it’s not something I can do. I really have to get better. And I am scared that my teachers will tell me that I am not good enough. Well, let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about the third book in the Luxen Series. If you don’t remember the second one is Onyx.

Now that Blake has revealed the fact that he’s a total betrayer and works for the DOD Katy and Daemon with crew are in danger more than before. And the Dawson that came back isn’t the same as before. He barely talks and almost doesn’t eat anything. But who can blame him. No one except himself knows what has happened with him the time he was with Daedalus. And it’s getting more and more difficult to keep him save because he wants to get Bethany out of their hands. What really doesn’t help to make the situation better is a perfectly feeling, living and damn Blake that walks back into Biology as if nothing has happened. Pretending that Adam isn’t dead because of him. And now he’s blackmailing Kat Daemon and the crew. He’s back. And forces them to trust him because if not he’ll let Nancy Husher know. And report everything. What’s even more suspicious is that the DOD hasn’t checked on them for a quite a while now. Blake has a Deal that could help them get Beth out. But do they have a chance? Not really. The problem is that Will hasn’t phoned Kats mom yet. So no one knows if the mutation held. Now they at least try to get into Mount Weather, what they don’t know I’d that there are Onyx Shields everywhere with Onyx in gas form. Can they manage to get in a second time? For Dawson? Is it even possible to get immune to Onyx? So many Questions that they can’t answer. And something is weird about that Luc kid that helped them to get in. Well if that would be the only Problems. Can Dee ever forgive Katy about Adams Death? What if not? Kat’s feeling guilty about him. But she didn’t kill him, didn’t she? Dee won’t believe her. So many Problems and so few hours for Kat and Daemon alone. Almost no Kitten time. What about them?

Please read that book. It’s so totally worth it. Let everything what was in your mind drop and read that book. I want you to understand. Forget about everything that you had to do and read it. It won’t disappoint you. I couldn’t believe it in the end. So let yourself get captured in the prison of words and feel what Kat feels. What Daemon pretends to be like but you guys know as much as I do that he’s a good boy. And don’t let me down on this please, I am desperate that you get it.
Bye and have a nice day or evening or whatever

PS: I missed you guys all. Just that you know. I am so thankful to all of you.

Love hurts

Every time I see you
I want to tell you
what I feel for you
But I can’t

Since I can’t
I still can in a poem
Maybe you’ll read it
Maybe you don’t think it is true

All I can tell you is
I am in love with you
Nothing’s going to change that
Not you and not anyone

Maybe that’s weak
But I am a human
Humans are weak
And I am okay with that

You seeing my messages
And not responding
Yeah it hurts me.
It really does.

But it’s not going
to stop my feelings
Nothing will, nothing can
And maybe I annoy you with that

I don’t care about that
I can stop annoying you
But I can’t stop
what I’m feeling for you

And I want you to know
If you need more time
Just tell me please
I can maybe slow my feelings down

But not stop them.
I guess I never will
Never could have done
Never could

So I guess what’s said
Is said. And I can’t change anything
What’s done is done. To be honest
I hope you’ll never read this one

This is just a little something for you all that are in love and are hurt because they can’t express their feelings. Just a little something. Bye and have a nice day or night or whatever.